Au Pairing - the dos and don'ts of the glorified babysitter

To put it bluntly, screaming kids, language barriers and 'pocket-money' pay is what you'll get when you sign up to be an au pair. If you don't expect this, you need a reality check. However, this is not to say that this is all there is. Exploring a new city, meeting like-minded travellers and building a relationships with kids who need nurturing is the other side of the glorified nanny coin - and it's worth it. Like anything, the job comes with its pros and cons that travellers need to be aware of to ensure the best experience possible.

Many lucky travellers bag the perfect family that may have one or two easy going kids, requiring little effort to entertain, get weekends off and have no curfew allowing them to basically live for free. This is an au pair's dream. However, many, like myself, quickly came to the crushing realisation that this is not always the case. It can often be difficult in terms of affordability, safety in a big city and comfortability with your host family and so it is important to be prepared.

My seemingly idyllic situation as an 18 year old living in the centre of Milan, perfectly located within a short distance of anything you could want from the Duomo to the prime shopping spree street right on my doorstep (that I soon found I could never take advantage of), came at a price.

It quickly became apparent that the job I had signed up for which I was assured required no Italian for, was in fact, very necessary. This, in hindsight, was incredibly naive, believing that I could waltz into the city with not a single word of Italian in my vocabulary, mistaking ‘Bonjourno’ as just a fun way of saying hello in French - what was I thinking? I expected to be able to get by as “everyone will speak English”. The three year old who I was to look after knew just as much English as I knew Italian and after the initial honeymoon phase of her thinking I was the most entertaining gift her parents had ever given her, the language barrier became a source of serious strain.

This realisation dawned on me when the child and I were left alone for the first time. This resulted in the most tremendous temper tantrum I have ever witnessed, thundering through the apartment block, all because I drew a flower when she wanted a star. Of course I panicked and immediately facetimed my Mum where she witnessed us both in tears trying to communicate with vague hand gestures as I desperately tried to figure out what I had done wrong.

As well as having the Italian word for star scarred into my brain most likely for the rest of my life, I learnt that choosing the right family was the most important step in having the best au pair experience. This is not to say it did not get easier - it did, and the family were always kind to me and treated me as family, but had I known what I was getting into, I may have reconsidered diving into it head-first.

My first mistake was not going through an agency. I was offered the job through a family link and so no contract was signed and very little information was given to me before my arrival. The girls that did go through an agency found it was tailored more to them and felt more prepared. A friend from the US found an ideal situation through Au Pair World where she was looking after two girls old enough to know English, had weekends off and could sleep in in the mornings. If a family offers the lie-in, take it. Kids and hangovers don’t mesh well. Her family allowed us to stay over, so her apartment became the haven we used to escape our slightly more manic situations.

The website is very easy to use - you make a profile and adjust your criteria to fit what you would like from the family, such as the number and ages of the children, location, if you’re willing to do housework, are a smoker etc. You will then be connected to a match and from there you will chat with your potential host family. During this time it is important to make sure you address certain factors such as dietary requirements, privacy and religious beliefs and if they will be compatible for both parties.

Location is another key factor to consider depending on what sort of experience you want to have. A city is perfect if you want to travel, make friends and have a more sociable, bustling life. The countryside or a small town location will usually provide a quieter, more subdued lifestyle which fits some people better. Be wary of the possible isolation this may bring as after a couple of weeks you may realise having other au pairs to rant to after a stressful school run, or grab a coffee and an overpriced piece of chocolate cake, is essential.

Aside from this, the other au pair's you meet will also be great travel buddies as it is always best to travel in a group, making it safer and most of the time more enjoyable. Make sure to take precautions when travelling - you don’t want to find yourself stuck alone in a city you thought would be fun to go to for a quick dinner and not realise the last train was at 11pm and the next one isn't until 5am…Emergency hotel rooms don’t normally go down too well with the bank account and it can be a scary experience if you don’t have anyone else with you.

While au pairs don't get a salary, the families give ‘pocket money’ to keep you going. They provide you with food and accommodation so you can’t expect too much. However, according to a survey carried out by YPulse, “76% of millennials would rather have a job they are passionate about but don't earn a lot of money for than have a high earning career that they are not so passionate about”. So, a job as an au pair, where you can live abroad, travel, learn another language and meet people from all over the world whilst living for free with a family has become appealing for those looking for an option over their gap years and post-grad breaks.

Some au pairs decide to look for a second job alongside au pairing - hats off to anyone who has the energy to do this instead of watching endless episodes of Gilmore Girls after a late night. Life in a city can get expensive and going in with no savings and expecting to survive off 70€ a week, meant even shampoo became a luxury. So, come prepared financially, if only for the sake of your hygiene.

Overall, there are factors to think about when embarking on a big lifestyle change. You have moving to a foreign city and being given the responsibility of young children to think about. However, the main thing is that, if you’re up for the challenge, it will be one of the best decisions you make. My time as an au pair solidified my independence and taught me a lot about managing life alone. The travelling I did, and the friends I made, will stick with me for the rest of my life. I would recommend the experience to anyone with a taste for trying out a new life abroad.

How to stay safe as a young woman working as an au pair:

1. Update family and friends back at home on your situation - don’t suffer in silence if it’s not right.

2. Keep up communication with your host family to ensure everyone is happy and feels safe.

3. Try to make friends in the area, ideally other au pairs - ask your host family if they know of any friends with au pairs to meet up with.

4. Make sure to video call your family prior to agreement to ensure you all get along - take your time in choosing the right family as it’s a big decision.

5. Sort out money and withdraw cash before you arrive so as to avoid sticky situations.

6. Check your visa and driver's licence are valid.

7. If you are booking a plane ticket, consider booking an open ticket to allow for flexibility.

8. Keep the mobile numbers of your host family and any friends in the area on you when you are out, particularly when you don’t know the area.

9. If they speak another language, make sure you're comfortable with being able to communicate.

10. Research areas before you jump into a night out - ask your host family for advice on the best areas and which ones to avoid before you head off for aperitivos or happy hour drinks.

https://www.aupairworld.com/en/become-an-au-pair - aupairworld

https://www.aupair.com/en/p-aupair-registration.php - aupair.com